My Dilemma.

I want someone to talk to. So here I vent my recent feelings to you, my dear reader:

I am a writer (the kind that breaks all the rules). I am going to college to major in education and become an elementary teacher. At the core of my heart I just want to take science, history, psychology and such writing classes to expand my knowledge so that I can be the writer I need myself to be. If I could study and practice writing, I would write more often. 
I undoubtedly want to be a wife and a mother, with a husband I can love endearingly with precious children whom we can love and teach forever.
Above all, I want to serve my Heavenly Father and do in my life those things that would make him smile.
I don't know what the next chapter of my life is going to be, but He does. And I trust that.
Now and again I think to myself how great it would be to get married, not physically go to work, take the classes I want to take and just be a better writer! Maybe even get published, too.
However, that is not reality. 
Reality is that I should be prepared to support my husband with a job if anything ever comes up in the future. I have goals to fulfill, and as a prerequisite I've got to be a teacher. I'm young, and so I can't get married just yet (I think. A boyfriend first would be good). A mission? I haven't reached that chapter yet. I feel that I am right where Heavenly Father wants me to be, for now.
Sometimes it is fun to dream though...

Lately

I am surrounded and blessed with incredible friends. Just on my list, I have 32 friends who either have their mission call or have already left for a mission. I could probably get that number up to 50, and like one third of those friends are girls! The ones who already have their call are pretty much gone. It seems like once they know where they're going, they enter a whole new world "missionary mode" and that becomes their new life. I feel very left out of this loop, especially with my birthday being in October. That means after study abroad in the summer I start my papers and head out myself, or continue going to school and hunting attractive guys. In any case, my friends are dying out for a better cause quickly...

Tonight I wasn't in a hurry to get to bed, so I had some unusual me time. 
When I was a tiny little midget, my dad would wrap me up in towel after bath time, sit me up on the counter and tell me to smile as I looked at my foggy reflection glowing in the mirror. Then I would open the medicine cabinet mirror and stick my head in-between the two mirrors to see how far I could see a reflection.
I did both of these tonight and I really gave my eyes a stare down (this isn't weird, I promise). I discovered something amazing I haven't seen for a while. My eyes are lined with grey, then blue, then green, then yellow, then brown, all seeping out of a very black pupil. As I moved closer or farther away from the mirror my pupils would fluctuate and adjust to the difference. My eyes are very much mine and I see so much of my personality in them.
Your eyes are alive, children. I find it so intriguing! The Eye. I am incredibly thankful for my eyes that I have been blessed with. I love them.
Now go try it out for yourself. It makes you happy =]
On somewhat of the same note, I was thinking about the opportunity I will have one day after this life to become a Goddess and possibly build my own world. (Yes, I truly believe this. The scriptures say so.) Well, I thought about God and all that he can see right now. Everything. He knows everything, he sees everything, and he feels everything that happens to us. Holy smokes, it makes me so happy. In Alma chapter 5 in the Book of Mormon there is a scripture that I love. "Can you imagine to yourselves that ye hear the voice of the Lord, saying unto you, in that day: Come unto me ye blessed, for behold, your works have been the works of righteousness upon the face of the earth."
I'm not sure how that connects to my eyes, but those words have been flying through my head. 
The world is wonderful. Life is incredible, every single aspect of it. 
It's good stuff.